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You know you're asian if...

Here's a little 'Asian' check-off list to determine how Asian are you. I received it in an e-mail a while ago, and I found it to be pretty funny. I * the ones that applied to me, and the (words) at the end of each one are just my comments. I didn't mind reading about the typical Asian, but if any others do, well I guess you can just get mad at whoever thought of this. Have fun reading!

You know you're Asian if...

1. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm (Not my mom, but I've seen many others.)
2. Your dad is some sort of engineer (No, but there are a lot of "smart" Asian dads.)
3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15 (I don't like liars and cheaters.)
4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing* (This used to be the case, but now I don't ask them for help anymore. It kind of got..annoying.)
5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry* (We have rice almost every single day.)
6. You shop 99 ranch (Nope, too dirty of a place.)
7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from* (I'm part Chinese, so it's good.)
8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life (I think they're ugly. Good thing I never had one.)
9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids* (This is very annoying as well, and they still do it!)
10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library* (Not that many now.)
11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage" (Never heard of this one.)
12. You drive mostly Japanese cars. (We have one Toyota Corolla LE, but the other one is Ford Windstar LX.)
13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom (I don't do that, but the people I see do are very LOUD!)
14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs (I guess this ties in with the lamb intestines.)
15. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say...." (I don't know what this is.)
16. You know what bok choy is* (A direct translation would be "white vegetable." A better way to pronounce it would be 'bai-tsai.')
17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February* (for Chinese New Year's.)
18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors (We have them on a shoe rack type of thing.)
19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Jean - ee - yah! or Mary - yah!) [This is probably referring to Catonese people. They like to do those eeyah!s]
20. You have no eyelashes (Ahha, but I do, and they're not short to the skin either.)
21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc..* (LOL! It's really funny when they do that.)
22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin* (Not a sin, but not good and wasteful.)
23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner (I've had seaweed, but never had or will have sea cucumbers and octopus. Eww!)
24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher (Noo...)
25. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses (We're not that cheap.)
26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more."* (It's not so true anymore. They used to do that.)
27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian* (Other ethnicities are ok too.)
28. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother?" Well then, "Is it your sister?"* (All the time.)
29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both* (Incense.)
30. Your parents say, "Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!" (I will be taking Calculus next year though.)
31. Everyone thinks you're good at math* (Geez... and I always become the 'teacher' too!)
32. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "ai-yahs, and Wah's" (No, that's the Cantonese.)
33. You like $1.75 movies (Very bad and poorly made movies.)
34. You like $1.50 movies even more (Even worse.)
35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green* (Not clothes, but a lot of merchandise with non-sense English.)
36. Your parents insist you marry within your race* (Sort of. They say it's best to.)
37. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food* (I don't like those that much.)
38. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it (Haha, I don't know what UCI is.)
39. Your parents have never kissed you (Of course they have! This is a dumb one.)
40. Your parents have never kissed each other (This is probably even dumber! How did they get married then?!?)
41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents (What does that mean?)
42. "You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!" (Blah blah blah, I have a computer!)
43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate* (I can't read or write Chinese.)
44. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle"* (Yup, all the time.)
45. You have 12+ aunts and uncles* (I have 12 on my mom's side. We have jinormous families. My dad's side is a little smaller.)
46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert* (Most of the time, unless it's been a really long time.)
47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat anyway. It's still good." (No no no, if it's bad, then it's too the trash.)
48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.* (Sadly yes, but good thing I don't. I have about 1.25 in my right and 1.50 in my left.)
49. You will most likely be taller than your parents* (I am.)
50. Your parents have either make you play the piano, the violin, or both* (Not made, but I do play piano.)
51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't* (This used to be the case.)
52. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift (Not necessarily.)
53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top (This one's crazy.)
54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both* (We have tennis racquets.)
55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chan)* (Yup yup yup)
56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture (Ours are pretty matchy actually.)
57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine (No, those things are known, and some work.)
58. You own a rice cooker or two* (We have one.)
59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon* (Yes, but we don't use it often.)
60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head* (For meat and cutting through the bones.)
61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going* (They used to.)
62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come. (I find this silly.)
I think about 1% of the above list corresponded to me. Then again my father left Japan for a reason.

LOL.  A lot of these apply to Jewish families as well.  ;)

15.  Confucius, the Western name for K'ung-fu-tzu (551 BCE–479 BCE), was a Chinese philosopher.  The "Confucius say..." puns/jokes are American folk humor along the lines of "knock knock" jokes.  I think they gained popularity in the 40's or 50's, and are slowly fading from the culture.  I haven't heard one in many years, and when I do hear them, they usually come out of the mouth of a person who was born before 1960.

A few examples are:

Confucius say...
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day
Man with one chopstick go hungry
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement
Man who fart in church sit in own pew
Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok

41.  "The birds and the bees" is an old saying meaning the "sex talk" parents have with their kids.  ex. Dad: "Son, have you learned about the birds and the bees yet?"

I never really got exactly what it was supposed to mean, but it has something to do with bees pollinating flowers, i.e. sexual reproduction.  I have no idea what birds have to do with it...  ;)
I like "14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs" because we go in a big Asian market in town that has pig heads and ducks hanging at the front entrance.  Back in the meat section, there's little sign of squeamishness either because almost every package is labeled with great detail as to which body part or internal organ of which particular animal it contains.  Except for some mysterious ones labeled "meat".   Nothing more, nothing less.  Those really disturb me.
I didn't read the entire list, but I know most to all asians are... well, this is a family forum
. Lacking in " .
I didn't read the entire list, but I know most asians are... well, this is a family forum
. Lacking in " .
It is a long list, but maybe it will "help you get to know a little more about Asian culture" a little better? I've never heard any Confucius jokes before, and I don't remember my parents making any of those jokes either, but I guess it's supposed to make fun of the way Chinese speak? I don't know. The birds and bees one is a little strange. And the intestines one is just plain disgusting. This obviously is a stereotype, and it doesn't hold true. Some of them are pretty outdated actually. They don't make any sense.
  • #10
okay, here's every one that applies to me, and I'm not even Asian..

3 (but actually my grandparents said i was 4 when I was 5 in Disney World)
4 (grandparents; lecturing on how I should know everything)
8 (biggest mistake of my life... still trying to grow it out)
9 (grandparents)
14 (well, my Police Explorer peeps convinced me to try a chicken gizzard once... @#$% those take forever to eat!!!!)
16 (I do now)
25 (I thought that was normal O_O)
26 (except replace 'Korea' with 'the old days' and 'parents' with 'grandparents'... yeah, all through this you gotta notice how cool my mom is)
27 (grandparents, not parents; as long as they're white)
35 (replace 'Asia' with 'Melbourne' and/or 'Massachusetts')
38 (me neither)
40 (no idea, never really saw my dad anytime after I was 6 months old)
41 (TV)
54 (tennis racquets)
61 (replace 'country' with 'state')
  • #12
LOL! Thats real funny
#`s 5,8,13,16,18,22,46,54,56,60, all apply and I`m 0% asian! Hmmm.....
  • #14
Hmm... ironically people to whom this list applies to aren't Asian! The title should be "You may be Asian if..."
  • #15
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Gemini528 @ Nov. 11 2005,10:42)]13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom (I don't do that, but the people I see do are very LOUD!)
That is so true.
Didn't have time to read most of the list, but the ones I caught almost nearly sometimes relate to me.

Philosophical Confucius Joke:

1) Confucius say "money is root of all evil"
2) Women love to go shopping, thus women = money X money = (money)^2

Money = evil (square root)
(Women^square root) = (evil^square root)

Therefore, Women = Evil

  • #16
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]Therefore, Women = Evil

Well that's not very nice. And I thought Confucius was supposed to be a good guy.
  • #17
That just didn't follow the rukes of logic. Here's another odd one: My wife has green eyes. Cats have green eyes. Therefore, my wife is a cat.... or.... all cats are my wife?
  • #18
I see. It's one of 'those' statements. I forgot the word. It was something I learned in Geometry a few years ago. Gosh, I can't remember what those statements are called. Let me think...