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Calling 2

Electronica!
Nice to see that you are working with it! I like the attempt!
Here are some suggestions, remember, these are just suggestions. Try them out, if you like it, Cool! if not, that's cool too. :D

*Try a softer voice: female or your own voice in falsetto or maybe whispers. Either way, try an "airy" quality.
*Your words are good and well chosen but try cutting back on vocals a little in 0.55 to 1.44.
*Use sounds that are less generic (piano/clap/harpsichord) or distort them slightly to make them less familiar. I like the other more unusual sounds you are using.
*Try this arrangement: attach 0.00-0.54 to 1.43. Then let it ride from 1.43 through 3.38. At 3.38 slip in 0.55, let it ride to 1.43 then attach to 3:40 and let it ride to the end. Hope that made sense.

You have a good start going! I hope the constructive feedback is helpful and keep working with Electronica! :D
 
You seem excited about electronica! Thank you for the critical feed back, it is helpful. I had a cold while recording those vocals so ultimately I am open to critique on them. I like some parts of them but I could sit there for another 2 hours straight before I get what I actually want to hear...

I am somewhat limited with the sounds that I have. This is something I would like to change. It all just takes money and time though... I like classic sounds like the piano and clap, I am not sure I will take those out ever. :P

Someday hopefully it will be a grand Piano and a room full of people clapping.

I appreciate your advice and critique thank you. I am already on to my next project! :O
 
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